Who Is More Important?

January 18, 2011

My daughter is the most important person in my life. I know this is deep inside me because I choose to have her. I’ve also chosen to parent her in a way where she is as much my guide as I am hers. I have learned so much about my life and my ways watching hers – how free and open she sees the world – without the baggage and hinderance of unmet needs, wants, desires, dreams… I tell her I was waiting for her to be born and my life completely changed when I met her – I had never felt such love for another. Yet, lately, I haven’t shown this to her and she doesn’t feel she is as important as other things in my life – such as my computer.

I’ve been focused on my blog. There is a part of me that wants to do the best I can in everything I do. I have a hard time striving for less. This precision has helped me in life career wise – but that was when my life didn’t include my daughter. Last night, Mishy and I played a game. She stayed in the bedroom while I was in the living room. I had to be on my computer – she would periodically come and check to make sure I was. She then called me from the bedroom and when I didn’t come, she would run to the living room softly – we have neighbors underneath us – grabbed my hand and dragged me into the bedroom while I would say, “I’m working. I have important things to do!” She’d respond, “Someone wants to see you.” And I would say, “Who? Who is taking me away from my work?” By this time, we would be on the bed and she would look in my eyes and say – “Me!” And then I’d say – “Of course! What was I thinking? You’re the most important person in my life!” Then we would hug and I’d say – “Who is more important? The computer or Mishy?” She’d say, “The computer.” And I’d say, “Mishy! Mishy’s the most important person in my life.” We’d talk about how I was waiting for her to be born while she cuddled in my arms. And we played the game again and again as she laughed and jumped and hugged and sweated. She was releasing. We played the game for as long as she wanted to and towards the end, she’d say – “Mishy! Mishy’s the most important person!” And she is.

Now we have an understanding – I will be on my computer when she’s sleeping. I can check throughout the day when she’s playing by herself, but for the stuff that requires more time – when she’s asleep. She still naps. It’s not a problem.

Resources:

Playful Parenting

http://www.playfulparenting.com/

Hand In Hand

www.Handinhand.org

Scott Noelle – Daily Groove – Unconditional Presence

http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/unconditional-presence

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3 Responses to “Who Is More Important?”

  1. Julie Says:

    I love that you were able to work through that with play and that you are able to be honest about the draw of the computer — especially when doing productive, meaningful work. I’m thinking about Playful Parenting and how Cohen often has the kids take on the powerful role. Like it would be your daughter “on the computer” and you would be begging and pleading with her to come play with you. I love, love, love his book, and the scenarios, but I often find myself a little bit stumped in coming up with a scenario which is supposed to address the root issues. Anyway, great post!

  2. mjmia Says:

    I, too, agree in giving power to children. Mishy experiences so little power in society – at home, she knows she is powerful and I love that. We played the game Mishy set up and I went with it – just knowing things about the importance of releasing – which I got from taking R.C. classes. It’s been helpful knowing about releasing too in regards to adults – but sometimes I find I get trapped in being the listener way too often!

  3. Bernadette Says:

    Loved this entry because it says so much about how children observe the world without filters. And how they depend on us to affirm our love. Btw, Mishy’s such a cutie!


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